Forcing laughter, faking smiles

So, I’ve had the urge to write for a while, but I’m just now actually sitting down and doing it. Mainly cause lonelycheese15 told me I needed to. She’s actually probably the only one who will even read this, but oh well. If anyone else is reading this, I’m warning you now, it’s mainly a rant about my oh so wonderful life.

This past week or so has been pretty interesting. Had a situation involving me, my best friend, and her fiance. Basically I was an idiot and wrote some stuff I shouldn’t have. I didn’t intend to share it, but I broke down and did. That’s when it all went to hell. I never truly thought I had a shot up until a couple months ago, but I let that slight glimmer of hope get the best of me and acted like a real bitch. So now her fiance doesn’t like me all that much and doesn’t want me to come visit them once they get settled in Puerto Rico. I really hope one day I can make him see that I really do care about him, almost as much as I care about her. Maybe in time, things will calm down. I would love to be able and go visit them both like I was planning. I guess my plans are on hold for now. The one good thing is, now I have a little longer to save and plan for the trip.

Next, I’m tired of people worried about my sex life. Yes, I’m a single, 22 year old virgin. Get the fuck over it. I’ve had my opportunities; I just haven’t found anyone that I trusted enough to have sex with. I’m sorry, but if guy is going to be putting his dick inside me, I need to know that he’s being honest when I ask him if he’s clean, and I need to know that if something happens and the protection doesn’t work, I’m not going to be dealing with a pregnancy by myself. So sorry that I haven’t conformed to society and had a bunch of sex yet. And while on the subject of sex, just because I am bisexual does NOT mean I’m going to have a threesome with you and your girlfriend. Especially not when you completely forgot about me for a good year and a half and just recently started talking to me again. Don’t even pretend you know me. If you knew me, you’d know I have moods where I don’t want to talk to ANYONE. I have moods where I just want to hide myself away from everyone with only my stuffed animals for company. Just because I say nothing is up doesn’t mean something is wrong. It’s actually a GOOD thing for me to not have a whole list of things wrong. So seriously, back the fuck off. I’m not sleeping with you, I’m not sleeping with your girl. There are only like 2 people who I’m attracted to and trust enough to sleep with and you aren’t on the list.

The lack of religious tolerance frustrates me. That plus people thinking the Bible is the law of the land instead of the Constitution. Separation of church and state is a fairly basic concept people. I could write a whole blog on this subject alone, but seriously…just let people believe how they want to believe. And don’t make people go to church if all you’re going to do is sleep through the entire sermon. I believe what I want to believe. For the most part it’s different from my family’s viewpoint. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, and it certainly doesn’t mean I want your viewpoints shoved down my throat every single day.

Finally, for god’s sake shut up about the Steelers. Great, they made it to the Super Bowl. No need to change the Lord’s Prayer to say something about the Steelers and do a ton of other stupid little things to spam my facebook newsfeed. And get off your damn high horse. Everyone is entitled to their opinion; people are allowed to say the Steelers suck just like you are allowed to say they are the most amazing team ever. Just because someone lives in “Steelers country” doesn’t automatically make them a Steelers fan. I’ll stick with my Cowboys, no matter what their record was, thank you very much.

Time for 2011

Another year is coming to an end.  2010 was actually a fairly calm year for me personally.  After a couple of very eventful years, it was actually nice to not have a really eventful year for once.  I did finally have a full course load for the first time since I took my break from college and managed to get good grades in all my classes.  I did have some downsides too, but that’s to be expected. As for resolutions, I didn’t make any last year.  I never seem to keep them, so last year I just didn’t see the point in making them.  However, I think I’ll make a couple this year and actually try to accomplish them.

1. Be a better friend.  I take my friends for granted too much.  They deal with my extreme moodiness all the time.  I need to reign in my moods, learn to chill, and just be a good friend to them.

2. Figure out what the hell I want in my life and actually take steps to accomplish that.  I will never accomplish anything sitting downstairs in my grandmother’s basement.  I need to be out on my own, living my own life, making my own decisions.

3. Be more responsible.  I am very irresponsible.  I need to take responsibility for my actions, thoughts, feelings and emotions.  I also need to be more responsible with my money and be more responsible for keeping my room organized better.
Every year about this time, I say something to some of the people that mean a lot to me…so here I go.
Chelsey–Thanks for helping me keep my head on straight.  You always speak your mind and tell it to me straight, which I really do appreciate.  I need someone to keep me grounded in this crazy world.
Bethany–Wifey, you’re amazing.  You are one of my biggest supporters no matter what and I know that I can talk to you about anything and everything.  You mean the world to me and I have no problem admitting that introducing you to me was the one good thing that came from one of my past relationships.
Justin–I am glad that I’ve gotten to really know you this year.  You are truly different from any guy I’ve ever met.  Keep treating my bff like you’ve been treating her; you’re doing a great job.  I’m glad you make her so happy.
Teremarie–I think you’re amazing.  I’m proud to call you my best friend.  You may be younger than I am, but I look up to you.  You’ve succeeded in moving out of your parents’ home and you’ve made a new home in a place far away from where you grew up.  We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, but through it all you’ve put up with me.  I only hope that I mean half as much to you as you do to me.  I can’t wait to see you.  Seeing you will truly make 2011 the best year J  <3 you always